100 words on Pillows

Wanted:

Small female and frequent napper seeking mid-seized perfect pillow. Must support neck and always be cool on the other side. Must sustain substantial abuse without complain and be machine washable as outdoor naps are frequent and unannounced. No lumpy applicants permitted. Must keep secrets extremely well and handle being thrown or cried upon. Should be resilient to sleeping in odd positions, locations and adaptable to a variety of surfaces. No funny smells permitted. Need not be compactable, cute, pink, plushy or fuzzy. Can be alive, but must always be ready for a nap. Bony applicants apply else where.